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  • Writer's pictureKristine D'Angelo

The Intricate Dance of Desire


I have this amazing skill set where I can talk myself into or out of anything. It's called the 'mind is a powerful tool' and if not used correctly it can cause destruction and negative self-talk leading to a decrease in sexual desire.

It's important to highlight a topic that comes up a lot in my practice, especially for those with responsive desire: self-resistance.


I want to help you explore its potential consequences on your desire for sex. So here are a few basics to help you understand self-resistance AND how to work through it. 


Understanding Self-Resistance:

Self-resistance refers to the internal struggle we experience when we resist or sabotage our own desires, whether consciously or unconsciously. It can manifest in various areas of our lives, including our relationships, career, personal growth, and even our sexuality. While self-resistance may arise from different sources and take unique forms for each individual, today, I'll focus specifically on its impact on sexual desire.


The Intricate Dance of Desire:

Sexual desire is a multifaceted and intricate aspect of the human experience. It is influenced by numerous factors, including our emotional well-being, physical health, relationship dynamics, stress levels, and self-perception. Self-resistance can be a significant stumbling block on the path to a healthy and fulfilling sex life.


How Self-Resistance Affects Sexual Desire:

  1. Negative Self-Talk: Self-resistance often involves a critical inner voice that diminishes our self-esteem and fosters negative self-perception. This can create barriers to feeling confident and desirable, leading to a decrease in sexual desire.

  2. Body Image Issues: Self-resistance can amplify body image insecurities, making it difficult to embrace our physical selves and feel comfortable being intimate. This can result in a diminished desire for sexual engagement.

  3. Emotional Vulnerability: Engaging in intimate experiences requires vulnerability and emotional openness. However, self-resistance can erect emotional walls that hinder our ability to connect with others on a deep level, limiting our capacity for desire.

Past Trauma: For individuals who have experienced trauma, self-resistance can manifest as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from potential emotional harm. This self-imposed resistance can create barriers to experiencing sexual desire and intimacy.





Breaking Free from Self-Resistance:

Recognizing and addressing self-resistance is a crucial step toward cultivating a healthier relationship with our sexual desire. Here are a few suggestions to help navigate this journey:

  1. Self-Awareness: Begin by developing self-awareness. Observe your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors related to sex and intimacy. Notice patterns of resistance and explore their underlying causes.

  2. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Challenge negative self-talk and unhelpful beliefs about your body, desirability, and sexual worth. Cultivate self-compassion and replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.

  3. Seek Support: I am here to help guide you through the process of exploring the roots of your self-resistance and develop strategies to overcome it. Supportive communities or online forums can also provide a space for sharing experiences and gaining insights from others.

  4. Mindfulness and Self-Care: Engage in mindfulness practices that help you reconnect with your body and emotions. Prioritize self-care activities that promote self-love and acceptance.

  5. Communication and Intimacy Building: Engage in open and honest communication with your partner about your desires, concerns, and challenges. Work together to create a safe and nurturing environment for intimacy to flourish.

Remember, the journey toward embracing our sexuality is unique for each individual. Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself as you navigate these waters. By addressing self-resistance, you can create space for a healthier and more fulfilling sexual experience.


I really hope this information helps shed light on the connection between self-resistance and diminished sexual desire. Remember, you are not alone on this journey, and there is always support available to help you navigate any challenges you may encounter.


I believe in you but it's time to believe in yourself!



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