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  • Writer's pictureKristine D'Angelo

How To Advocate For Your Sexual Needs


We all have sexual needs, and it’s important to speak up for yourself and your needs if you want them to be met. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to do this, especially if you’re not used to advocating for your sexual-self. But there are some simple steps you can take to learn how to speak up for yourself and your needs.


First and foremost, it's important to recognize your sexual needs and be honest with yourself about what you need. This may be something as simple as paying close attention to your self-pleasuring routine. What are you doing to experience pleasure in your body? Are these things being done during coupled sex? If you don't have a self-pleasure routine, start there. Reflect on why you don't have one. What's stopping you from starting one? Sexual confidence starts with having a healthy sex life with yourself. That's where you can speak with confidence about what you want, need and desire during sex.


Once you’ve identified your needs, it’s important to think about how you can best communicate them to the people around you. When you’re ready, practice your communication skills. Working with me, a sex coach, can help ease any hesitancy you may be feeling about this kind of conversation.


Expressing vulnerability can feel so challenging especially when you're talking about sex and intimacy. Remember, intimacy can't truly exist without vulnerability. The key is to practice speaking up for yourself in a way that feels comfortable by trusting your partner will welcome your vulnerability with a loving response.


It can also help to have a plan in place for how you’ll respond to opposition or pushback. This could include setting boundaries for yourself, such as only engaging in a discussion for a certain amount of time, or taking a break if you’re feeling overwhelmed. As your sex coach we can role play these scenarios prepping you for any outcome. Finally, remember that it’s ok to make mistakes when speaking up for yourself. It’s part of the learning process, and it’s important to be kind to yourself and recognize that you’re doing the best you can. Vulnerability is hard for everybody! You're not alone.


Learning to speak up for yourself and your sexual needs is a valuable skill that can help you advocate for yourself in all areas of your life. With practice and patience, you’ll soon find yourself feeling more confident and empowered to take control of your sex life and reach your sexual goals.

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