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  • Writer's pictureKristine D'Angelo


Updated: Aug 21, 2018

Do you ever feel confused about what exactly your partner wants or is asking for? Do you ever hear the request from your partner to be more romantic or they want more intimacy? Does your partner give you exact examples? Do you know the difference between sex, intimacy and romance?

This is a very common concern a lot of couples have and feel confused by the difference between these three elements of a relationship.

What is sex? Sex is the physical act or physical expression of love, lust, attraction or curiosity. Sex doesn't always involve love so it's important to remember that. Sex is something two or more people can explore with each other. It's a physical act that can be done to show somebody else how you feel about them and also leave you feeling pretty good yourself. For some sex is a way to express themselves and also feel and focus on pleasure. When you focus on pleasure and pleasure only you open a world of endless possibilities. Men will often consider sex to be intimacy, women feel much different about this topic! Keep reading to learn more.

What is intimacy? Intimacy is a feeling of closeness with your partner or any loved one, this can also be experienced with friends and family. We start to learn and experience intimacy at infancy. It's the nurturing touch by our parents or guardians, its the feeling of being understood and accepted. Intimacy is something when really nurtured between you and your partner can enhance sex and romance in a really big way. I believe I said this in a recent post but it's worth mentioning again. Intimacy is when you have vulnerability between you and your partner and the vulnerability is met with a loving response from your partner. So, if you decide to talk with you partner about a fantasy you have, let's say talking dirty while having sex, that's a vulnerable position to be in. Will my partner laugh at me? Will my partner judge me? So, putting yourself out there and speaking your desires is being vulnerable. When your partner responds with a loving response, for example they could say they've been wanting to try that too, or they're so happy you said something and they're willing to try it out, that's a loving response. Boom, you've just built intimacy between you! Wasn't that easy? No, ok.. I understand, it takes practice! Some examples of intimacy:

  • Exchanging a full-body massage

  • Sharing your fantasies

  • Doing a sexy dance for your partner

  • Asking for what you want during foreplay, sex and aftercare

  • Sharing your feelings about future plans with your partner

  • Having a conversation about your wants/needs in your sex life

What is romance? Romance are the little extras we sprinkle throughout our relationship. Imagine you have a dinner plate consisting of sex and intimacy. Sure the meal is good but wouldn't some dessert at the end just make it that much better? Romance is the dessert. Romance is adding just a little umph to your relationship that tells your partner you're into them, you desire them and you think about them while you're away from them. Here are a few examples of romantic gestures:

  • Write a little love note- Leave a post-it on the bathroom mirror so when they get ready in the morning they see it and feel loved. It's a small gesture that can mean a lot to your partner. They will look forward to thanking you when they get home. (wink-wink)

  • Plan a surprise dinner- This can be out at a restaurant or a home-cooked meal. Either way, you've shown your partner that you planned ahead something special for them.

  • Pack a picnic lunch or dinner- Take your sweetie to a lookout point, abandoned field with a view or a winery. This is so romantic and pretty simple. Just gather a few of your partner's favorite foods, a blanket, bottle of wine, 2 glasses and hit the road!

  • Bring flowers, beer, joint, something sweet or any material item you think your partner will appreciate. Just because.

  • Give or deliver a card to your partner's work- just saying I love you.

  • Figure out which love language your partner responds best to, (see below)

Learning about the 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. This book is so helpful when it comes to couples communicating love to each other. Build intimacy with your partner by bringing this book home or visit the website together and learn about the 5 love languages. Ask your partner which one(s) they respond best to. What do you like to receive and what do they like to give? You'll learn a lot about each other! Also, once you know what your partner likes and responds well to the easier all of the above will be to explore and express yourselves to each other! SEX+INTIMACY+ROMANCE = a healthy and loving relationship.

For more information about Kristine D'Angelo, Certified Sex Coach please visit her About page on her website.


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