As a sex coach, I work with a lot of people who seek my help because there is a lack of intimacy or a lack of sexual exploration between them. This creates a broken line of communication and leaves both parties feeling frustrated and or unhappy and ultimately finding themselves in a “dead bedroom” situation. More often than not, this is the first place I start working with my clients to begin mending their communication style and coaching them into healthy ways of expressing to their sexual partner their specific needs and wants. Keep in mind there are three types of communication- verbal, non-verbal and written. Depending on each person’s ability to share, I would coach them into the communication style that comes easiest at first, working into the verbal.
Let me demonstrate a scenario where a lack of communication resulted in one woman’s frustration.
Jill- “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you, has your sex with Tom gotten any better?”
Heather- “Not really, we actually got into a fight last night because I haven’t given him a blow job in a while. Kind of a reoccurring theme in our relationship.”
Jill- “Well, does he ask for it or just expect you to read his mind?”
Heather- “That’s the problem, there’s no communication between us. He doesn’t feel comfortable talking about sex.”
This example is a common situation in many relationships. Most couples have difficulties surrounding communication and expressing their sexual desires to their partners. Its OK, this is normal. As a society, we aren’t taught the importance behind talking about our sexuality, but it’s never too late to start opening yourself up to expand your sexual pleasure. It’s OK to be nervous and it’s even more OK to be vulnerable in front of your partner. By doing this you are creating intimacy, a driving force in every healthy relationship.
When you allow your relationship to suffer from lack of communication it sends the wrong message to your partner. It’s saying that you expect your partner to assume your wants and needs in turn applying unnecessary pressure on both of you. I think you’d be surprised at what your partner also finds sexy or attractive and you may actually be on the same page and never knew it.
As a sex coach, it’s my job to help couples open the line of communication between them. As Dr. Patti Britton, a pioneer of sex coaching suggests, coaching couples through the CNAC Solution will provide a platform to reach a place of common ground between them.
Sex coaching allows you to invest in your relationship and yourself. As a couple, once you can reach a place of compromise through open communication, you will start to reap the benefits of working together. Also, you will both feel supported and understood. It will all come from a space you’ve created with no judgments placed from either side., leaving you and your partner feeling safe to explore your sexuality together.