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  • Writer's pictureKristine D'Angelo

Increase Foreplay In The Bedroom-How?

First, I think it's important to understand why is foreplay important before moving into actual sex? This is such a good question and often something I find so many of my clients need to become aware of before their sex lfe can actually get better.

Let's start with what happens to your body during foreplay:

  • Heart rate increases

  • Breathing quickens

  • Blood pressure spikes

  • Muscles tense

  • Pupils dialate

  • Pain threshold goes up

  • Increase in vasocongestion - This is the swelling of tissue caused by blood flow

Now let's look at what happens in your brain during foreplay: (generally)

  • Your brain starts to release the hormone, dopamine. A neurotransmitter that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers.

  • Oxytocin or aka "the love hormone" is released during orgasms causing a feeling of love, trust, security and bonding.

When you take time for foreplay you're building sexual tension. You're allowing a woman's body to become fully aroused so that sex/penetration will feel really good for her. If this is rushed often times that's when she'll experience pain during penetration, lack of lubrication, frustration due to lack of pleasure and ultimately not experiencing as orgasm. Taking your time = pleasure!

So, now that you're more aware of the benefits foreplay can have during your sexual experiences it's time to learn some fun foreplay ideas!

  1. Put effort into your appearance. This goes for men and women. Yes, men respond to visual stimulation more than women BUT women respond to a partner that takes pride in their appearance. So, men this means you should take the time to MANSCAPE. Trim up your pubes, especially if you'd like to increase your chances of receiving oral sex from her. Ladies, style your hair special, wear some make-up, wear high heels, put on a sexy slip. It can be a small gesture that you feel comfortable with. It will not go unnoticed, trust me.

  2. Surprise Shower - Tell your partner you'd like them to shower before having sex. Then after they've been in the shower for a few minutes follow them in. Start to lather them up with soap and really show your partner you're enjoy it by making eye contact, moaning or complimenting their body. Ladies, it would feel really good to your man to lather up his genitals with soapy water, FYI. DO NOT HAVE SEX YET- NO ORAL EITHER. You're wanting to build sexual tension here. Once you've rinsed them off tell your partner you're going to dry them off. After they're dry lead them into the bedroom/wherever you're wanting to have sex. Now, you can perform oral sex if you'd like to (wink wink)

  3. Give your partner a genital massage- Grab some coconut oil or Chiavare which works as a lube AND moisturizer. Get all of your fingers lubed up. For the vulva you will gentle begin making circles with your thumbs on the outside of her labia majora (outer lips) make these small circles up and down the outside of her vulva. Begin to lightly tug on her labia lips. Now gently make small massaging circles on her lips. This will drive her wild and eventually you can read her body movements signaling you that fingers inserted into her vagina are OK. ladies, to give a man a genial massage it's pretty similar to hand job without orgasm being the end goal. Use the oil coat your hands/palms and start exploring his genitals giving slow and light touch and movements around this area. Don't leave any skin untouched in this area. (shaft, balls, perineum and even the anus) This will drive him wild with anticipation to have sex with you.

  4. Date Night with a twist- Go on a date with your loved one. Can you go to the place where you had your first date? Yes, great! Do that. No? That's OK, find somewhere that you both love to go on dates. Now, plan to meet there - do not arrive together. You're going to reenact your first date! This will bring back feelings of falling in love with each other and remind you both as to why you fell in love with each other. It will fuel a spark later in the bedroom that will be so fun!

My overall tip for increasing foreplay is to not overthink it. If you both start focusing on pleasure and less about score cards and orgasms then you'll end of having a really meaningful connection which will ultimately lead to better sex. That's the goal, right?


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