How Can I ask For What I Want In The Bedroom?
In this month's segment of KATU Afternoon Live, I talked with Kara about this very scary topic. As a sex coach I will often have couples and individuals coming to see me for this reason.
But guess what, it doesn't have to be scary! Please watch my segment to learn ways to get started approaching this subject with your partner. Scroll down to learn more details about my tips... things I couldn't say on live TV.
When you considering talking to your partner about what you'd like to try, experiment with or make some adjustments to your current sexual activities then there are a few things to consider first.
First, spend time with yourself to learn what your likes/dislikes are. What turns you on? What turns you off? What parts of your body really enjoy being touched, caressed or stroked? When you take this time to self-pleasure or masturbate you're building a relationship with your own sexuality. You're getting to know yourself as a sexual person first before bringing somebody else into the fold. So, if this is a new concept to you, as I suggested in this segment take some time to be freshly showered, naked and willing to explore your body in a kind, sensitive and sensual way. Giving yourself a massage after a bath or shower is a great time to slow things down and feel your own touch. Use your favorite lotion on your skin or use coconut oil or your favorite oil (vaginal friendly) to explore your vulva and vagina to learn what feels good to you.
Next, have this talk outside the bedroom. When you're in the moment with your honey you wouldn't want to interrupt the flow of sexual energy to bring up trying something new then. You could possibly cause your partner to feel uncomfortable, anxious or fearful that they will disappoint you or look silly trying something they had little time to prepare for. So, bring this conversation up when you're both feeling a connection outside the bedroom. Have a nice dinner in, when you're cuddling and sex isn't the goal, when you go to walk the dog or just take a leisurely walk after dinner. When you bring this up and share you're request(s) with your partner prepare to have specific examples, details and instruction behind what you're asking for so your partner gets a very clear vision of your request(s). Don't be surprised if you're partner is relieved you brought up this subject, they will probably ask you for something is return!
When is the best time to try this new request?! Well, that's where communication comes in handy! Talk with your partner about when is a good time for them, ask them if now is a good time? When you're starting to become aroused and it's headed toward sexy time ask them if now a good time to try that new thing? Use this topic as a way to really connect with your partner and build a foundation on trust, vulnerability and hopefully fun and excitement to your sex life!