Asking Your Partner to Open Up Sexually
Updated: Jan 29, 2018
Before I taped my segment on Afternoon LIVE, I knew I wanted to talk about increasing intimacy in your relationship and why it's the underlying reason we ask our partners to open up to us sexually. We are craving more intimacy, desire and connection with our partners in a sexual way. Luckily, I listen to Sex With Dr. Jess, a Toronto-based Sexologist. On her Formula for Intimacy episode, I heard her explain in a really simple way what intimacy is and it really resonated with me, my sex coaching practice and what I was about to talk about in this segment. Intimacy is when you have vulnerability between you and your partner and that vulnerability is met with a loving response from your partner, this creates intimacy. Ugh, its just a beautiful way to explain this way of connecting with your loved one. So, please enjoy this segment, it's a good one!
It's important to remember, when motivating your partner to open up sexually that you approach this sensitive subject with patience and tenderness. It might be easy for you to express yourself but for others it takes time and practice to get to that level of personal expression. By putting this effort into your relationship it won't go unnoticed by your partner, it will ultimately bring you closer and open doors to sexual expression which will lead to new sexual adventures together.
Write a Letter:
If talking about sex face-to-face is difficult for your partner try writing them a heartfelt letter which will get the conversation started. In your letter reassure your partner that they're always in a space space with you and won't place judgements on their sexuality. In this letter you can suggest any of the activities I mention today that you'll do together to take a step towards exploring your sexuality together.
Read Erotica in Bed (aka Erotic Fiction):
Erotica is usually written in short-story format and stimulates your imagination through sexual tales and sexy story lines. Do a simple online search for erotic short stories or Powells bookstore, they have a great erotica selection. Present the book to your partner while lying in bed together. Take turns reading stories from the book and pillow talk about what turned you on about the stories. This is a great way to start talking about your fantasies!
Take turns telling each other your fantasies, and you start. What have you always wanted to try but never have? Your partner will feel better about sharing their own fantasy because you show trust and vulnerability to them. If they are hesitant to tell you reassure them that you love them and that there is nothing shameful or embarrassing about what they fantasize about. This is an opportunity to learn more about your partner and open possibilities between you!
If the above suggestions haven't worked then your partner may need some one-on-one time with a sex coach, I will facilitate the start of your partner exploring their sexuality. Sometimes it's hard to ask for what you want sexually when you really have no idea where to begin or how to vocalize your fantasies. A few sessions with me may provide your partner with the permission they need to start exploring this side of themselves.