Every Monday, on my Instagram Live, my husband MikaL and I will share what we're doing to keep our erotic energy alive during quarantine. This is a weird time.. stress, anxiety and frustrations can lead us to pull away from our sexual energy but you have to actively work at keeping it up. I created an activity called What's in the Jar?
Things you'll need to play: Glass Jar
Small strips of paper
2 writing utensils
Creativity - activities
To get ready for this ongoing activity we had to create the activities we'd pull from the jar. We each wrote down our ideas on little pieces of paper, not seeing what the other wrote to add an element of surprise day-of the activity.
Week One: The 3-Minute Game (created by Harry Faddis)
This game actually takes 12-minutes to play because you and a partner take turns asking (2) 3-minute questions. I encourage you to watch Betty Martin's 15 minute video to learn exactly how to play the game. Link above. The simple rules for the game are below.
First person asks the two questions. Then your partner will ask you the 2 questions. Set a timer for each question and let your creativity run wild. It doesn't have to be just touching with your hands, it can be any contact you can think of. The fun thing is.. you can play this as a non-sexual game or sexual game.
Question #1: How do you want me to touch you for 3 minutes?
Question #2: How do you want to touch me for 3 minutes?
Week Two: Fun with dressing up and exploring love languages
This week stress and anxiety about the global health crisis motivated us to have more fun this week and be able to let loose and bring in some laughter, relaxation and connection.
I had a cocktail while my husband, MikaL was finishing up work and I surprised him by wearing a wig and a fun/sexy outfit and started dancing around and getting him excited to join the fun. So we had a few cocktails and pretty soon after MikaL was wearing a wig and fun outfit..then we had a dance-off and made some Tik Tok videos. It was so fun!
Throughout the week we had a lot of check-ins with each other:
'How are you feeling?"
"Can I get you anything?"
" Would some sex help relieve some stress?"
"Let's have a quickie"
"Do you wanna pull from the jar?"
"Would an orgasm make you feel better?"
Then, when we felt our relational connection needed a little push.. we pulled from the jar to play 'What's in the Jar?' and had a couple pulls until we found something we both wanted to do or had the energy for. The activity we pulled was 'Explore Top 2 Love Languages, then show your partner love by doing something off their list'. MikaL and I realized we had never done the love languages quiz together (fully aware of what our top 2 were though). A really fun outline to follow and an activity I ask most of my clients to do is explore your own love language and if partnered explore theirs as well.
Take turns sharing the following:
Top 2 and Bottom 2 love languages
Why are your top 2 important to you?
How can you partner improve speaking love to you through this love language?
After we had this discussion we exchanged some love languages for each other and ended the day feeling loved, happy and relaxed. PERFECTION!
Week Three: Giving your partner an experiential release
This week I could feel my own personal sexual energy getting low so I made an active effort to fight through self-resistance. When I felt a little bit of arousal or if I had the thoughts of a sexual experience I didn't hesitate, I went with that feeling. I invited that erotic energy in. I suggested we make out, then another time I suggested we bang. I didn't hesitate, I went for it and it was highly rewarding and a wonderful release!
Each week I've also utilized my sexy-time wardrobe to feel better about myself, my body and erotic energy. Here are a couple of options for you to quickly and affordably add to your sexy-time wardrobe!
One Size Fits All bodysuits, teddy's or stockings. Google the following companies:
Glitter
Leg Avenue
Pink Lipstick
These are around $20-$30 and highly stretchable and range in sizes from Small - Plus Size. These are a great way to change things up quickly and effectively... ;)
We played 'What's In The Jar' again this week. I'm really loving this game and the novelty and entertainment it's been providing us as a couple during quarantine.
Give your partner an experiential release
1- Find relaxation - we use weed to achieve this but for you, relaxation can mean anything that gets you relaxed into your body, calm breaths and permission to let go.
2- Place a blindfold on your partner, turn on relaxing music of their choice. Preferable instrumental or little-to-no lyrics that can be distracting.
3- Give your partner pleasure, this can be massage, oral or digital stimulation or use their favorite sex toy in combination of all of the above. This is a gift you're giving your partner, get creative, be patient and watch them melt into your hands..or mouth.
As always, it's important right now to continue working on speaking love to your partner through their love language. See week two for more information on that!
Week Four: This week was a tough one for me personally. I was struggling with a hormonal shift, cramps and migraines so I wasn't feeling erotic energy and wasn't really in the mood for sex so I did my best to offer MikaL some sexual release and manually stimulated him and he also asked for a blow job later in the week which I was happy to give. We did play 'What's in the Jar?" but pulled out a sexy photoshoot and as you can imagine I wasn't feeling up for that but we'll be doing that this coming week! Pics to follow.. Just kidding, you don't get to see them!
Week Five: We had an amazing week together. We took advantage of the sunshine here in Portland and worked on several home improvement projects. One of those projects was something we've wanted to do for awhile now and that's painting the dining area and adding an accent wall. While we worked on this project we went through my Questions for Connection that I give my clients to build connection, communication and emotional intimacy. There are 23 questions and we got through 16 of these questions throughout the day. We had such a good time asking each other questions and learning what each other's impression/expectations/suggestions are when it comes to our relationship. I encourage you all to work through these questions with your partner. We found it really helpful to work through these while being busy with a project. We loved being able to do busy work while also building on our connection and communication. You'll love it!
Week Six: This was a somewhat difficult week for me, I started to feel the effects of being in quarantine and started to go a little stir crazy. I miss my friends, I miss entertaining so Mikal and I played 'What's in the Jar?' and pulled Sexy Photoshoot. At first we both met some resistance with this idea but we rallied, had a few cocktails and decided to get dressed up. We had the funnest night! We danced, sang karaoke and then things led to us taking sexy pictures of each other. It was SO FUN! Even if the sexy photoshoot isn't in the cards for you I recommend putting effort into your appearance for the day/night and feel the difference in yourself! At the end of the night I felt as though we had a party and that energy was able to come up and out of me. It was really one of the funnest week's we've had so far in quarantine.
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